Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
