i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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