Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
