I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
