It's Friday. Sex?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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