uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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