I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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