now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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