dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
