I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And then he peed in my hair
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