If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
