all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
