Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
