I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
