you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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