So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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