Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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