Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
