In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We named our party play list daddy issues
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
