Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
