HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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