ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
