so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
