I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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