my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ttyl tear gas
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
