After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm both gender and math confused
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
