Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
