she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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