I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
