too bad you live with your parents still
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
