You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
