I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
