omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
