Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
