he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
