i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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