I didn't shave. On purpose
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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