I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
