she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
