Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
