I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
