i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
