I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
