At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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