You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
