Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
tell me about the fingering
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