Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
either way he was missing a nipple.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
