I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
