Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
