We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
