JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
