You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
