My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
