Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
